Hurling,upchucking and just plain spewing chunks

Ok, so with a title like that you have probably already figured out that this is Tom and not Emily. She wanted me to put that disclaimer on this entry before I started.

So Saturday started out so wonderfully. The weather was nice for Austin's last soccer game and afterward we were enjoying a calm day at home with nothing to do. So I played some Rock Band with Shaustia as lead singer and her friend Catherine as our guitarist. I was on the drums. We started our own band and had a blast for more than an hour gaining fans. I'm sure it was mostly because of my mad drumming skills.

So we finished that when I realized Emily was actually upstairs cleaning while I was downstairs goofing off. I love work and can watch it all day so I went upstairs to watch her mop the floors and then started feeling sorry for her and decided I would help out by vacuuming. The crazy thing was I must also be allergic to work because about the time I got the vacuum plugged in and ready to go I started feeling really light headed and a little sick to my stomach. So instead of vacuuming I went and laid down on the couch and let Emily vacuum instead. I also know at about this time Emily thinks I am completely faking it just so I don't have to do any housework. Probably because I have pulled that stunt more than once - just don't tell her that.

So then while I lay there on the couch she gets all of the kids ready to go to the soccer party which oh by the way I am in charge of and paying for. She finally announces that all of the kids are in the car so I try to get up. Not good. Maybe this is more than an allergic reaction to work. However, I know I have to be to this pizza party. I was the coach and need to present the boys their awards and thank them for playing on my team. So I climb slowly in the car. It only took me a couple of blocks to realize that this wasn't going to happen. So I went back to the house and Emily took off without me.

Once back in the house I laid back down on the couch and just was feeling so guilty about not going to the party. Normally I am lazy enough that I don’t really care but this time I knew I had to be there. So I got up the courage and got into the Tahoe and went to the pizza party. As I drove over there I really didn't think I was going to make it through but once I got there and started to talk to people and pretend like I wasn't sick - I really didn't feel all that sick. In fact the entire time I was there I was fine. Isn't that interesting that when we really need to step up and get something done even though we don't feel at all like we can - something in us rises up and allows us to get it done. I also am a firm believer that the mind is a very powerful force and we can control more than we think we can if we can be the master of our own minds. Just like me forcing myself to feel good while I was at the pizza party. Then we went home. . .

Once I got home it was another story. I went downhill fast. I was quickly in bed and just forcing myself to think about other things because I knew what was coming on. I lay in bed and watched TV and read a book just dreading the moment when the lights went off and I actually had to try and go to sleep. The inevitable moment finally came and it took all of about ten minutes after the lights were off before I was running to the bathroom to vomit.

*****Graphic comments about throwing up past this point. Read at own risk************

I don't know about you but why do we have so many words for the act of vomiting? Throwing up, upchucking, spewing chunks, puking, blowing chunks, retching and so many more. You can find all of these wonderful names at www.vomitnames.com and no I am not making that site up! Click on it. I dare you.

It is Tuesday night and the last time I threw up was on Sunday morning. My shoulders and neck still hurt from the violence of tossing my cookies. It is actually a really amazing feat to be able to churn your insides in such a way that involuntary upheavals cause Arfie McBarfie to come up to say hi. All of this just to help you get whatever toxin you decided to introduce to your system knowingly or unknowingly out. It is an amazing process that God himself built into our immune system to help us live just a little bit longer so we can ignore Him just a little longer.

However, I don't know about you but I have said many prayers in front of the porcelain throne. I personally think he uses the influenza just to get us on our knees every once in awhile. A cruel trick but I bet there isn't a single person reading this blog who has not at one time or another in their lives said a prayer at the base of the white goddess. Mine went something like this

"Please, please take me now. Finish me off because I know it will feel better than I do right now. However, I know you probably won't actually kill me because I am supposed to do something with my life and I promise that if you take away this torture that I am going through right at this moment I will forget that I promised you anything by the time I wake up tomorrow morning feeling fine and will continue to ignore you until the next time I am in a desperate situation like the one I am in right now. And while you are granting wishes can I wake up with ten million dollars in my bank account?"

I'm pretty sure that is how it went. Anyway I digress. So I felt like my insides were going to become my outsides and of course the heaving doesn't happen just once. With me it goes on many many times until just before I think I am going to pass out. Then it quits and I try and cry myself back to sleep which doesn't happen because the Wicked Witch of the West just started twirling my house like a top all the while cackling "I'll get you my ugly bald guy if it’s the last thing I do!". Which frankly she can have me for all my wife cares at this point because I am whining like a baby, leaving chunks of breakfast lunch and dinner all over the bathroom floor and my breath smells like I just ate Eliana's last dirty diaper (I wonder if that is why I got sick?).

The next day I still felt horrible and it didn't help that the Colts once again lost miserably. However, the bright side of it all was I was just fine Monday morning just in time to go back to work! (That last sentence was said while rolling my eyes and my voice was dripping with sarcasm)

Now if I have done my job and you have actually made it to the end of this post I am guessing you are feeling just a little bit light headed yourself and wondering if you aren't just coming down with something! You're Welcome!!!